A turning point.
The strangest thing happened. It was in the wee hours of the morning on 18 January 2003.
Barry is the most recent online minister the Host has been communicating with. I despised him as I had the others until very recently. I still thought he was a fraud, but a short time ago, he decided I was not a demon, and began asking me about us and whatnot. For the first time, I was really allowed to speak. I dared not open myself fully, because I have known "those" types of men to become turn-coats almost instantaneously. I was, however, glad that he no longer spoke to me in a derogatory tone, and treated me civilly.
He brought up God. He asked how I felt, and I answered honestly. All those crude and blasphemous statements were to drive do-gooders away. To be completely truthful, I had never given God much thought. I was more or less agnotic or atheist all these years. I had told myself that if a god did exist, I would reserve all my greatest rage for him, because I felt that if he existed, he could have stopped what happened to us...and chose not to.
Looking back, it is such a blur: Barry spoke with me, and things made sense. He prayed with me, and suddenly I was hit with something inexplicable. It was so fierce, it literally took my breath away. I was shocked and confused, dazed and exhilarated all at once, and I found myself weeping.
Weeping...me? I cannot explain it. Barry said I felt God. That may sound insane or silly, but experiencing what I did...anything is possible. I felt calm, at peace...loved. It was intense.
I have been doing a lot of thinking, studying in the Bible, things like that. It almost seems too good to be true, but the Host insists it is not. I wish Gabriel were still here...as much as he annoyed me, I feel his absence, and this is one to the few times I would have liked to talk to him.
Barry is the most recent online minister the Host has been communicating with. I despised him as I had the others until very recently. I still thought he was a fraud, but a short time ago, he decided I was not a demon, and began asking me about us and whatnot. For the first time, I was really allowed to speak. I dared not open myself fully, because I have known "those" types of men to become turn-coats almost instantaneously. I was, however, glad that he no longer spoke to me in a derogatory tone, and treated me civilly.
He brought up God. He asked how I felt, and I answered honestly. All those crude and blasphemous statements were to drive do-gooders away. To be completely truthful, I had never given God much thought. I was more or less agnotic or atheist all these years. I had told myself that if a god did exist, I would reserve all my greatest rage for him, because I felt that if he existed, he could have stopped what happened to us...and chose not to.
Looking back, it is such a blur: Barry spoke with me, and things made sense. He prayed with me, and suddenly I was hit with something inexplicable. It was so fierce, it literally took my breath away. I was shocked and confused, dazed and exhilarated all at once, and I found myself weeping.
Weeping...me? I cannot explain it. Barry said I felt God. That may sound insane or silly, but experiencing what I did...anything is possible. I felt calm, at peace...loved. It was intense.
I have been doing a lot of thinking, studying in the Bible, things like that. It almost seems too good to be true, but the Host insists it is not. I wish Gabriel were still here...as much as he annoyed me, I feel his absence, and this is one to the few times I would have liked to talk to him.
posted by Logan Nambiet at
12:02 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home