Best forgotten.

Valentine's day...I loathe it. I do not mean to sound jealous, but I suppose I am. We are happy for the Host, of course, but I cannot help but to feel that I have been excluded from love of another. Of course there is God's love, which I am ever-grateful for, but...at times I want nothing more than an intimacy, of any sort. Damn it all.

I restrain myself from allowing the boyfriend to hold the body when I am present...not that he would ever know, because if he did he would refuse. Not only that, but it would be a bit awkward. Molly sneaks in sometimes, however. I believe he must suspect that. He is annoyed by Molly, but he loathes me. I believe his exact words were, "I hope you die". Yes, that was it.

I must admit, I do receive hugs from others Inside, and they are warm and comforting, but there is still something missing. I want human touch. I want to feel the warmth of kind fingertips. One would think I would never want to be touched again, after what had occurred, but still I crave a physical communion with another. I wonder if I want it merely because I cannot have it.