On Zillah.

There resides within me great anger and malice. A hatred I know is wrong, and a flippant disregard for anything save my own feelings on the matter. Apparently, Zillah has returned. She is one of ours who has been active in cycles: she will be present for a few months, and then fade into obscurity for just as long, if not longer.

Zillah endured much abuse, even though they knew her age. She is rather young. And yet, they did this in such a way that she has no idea it was abuse. She believes she was chosen. She waits for their return, unknowing the brutal nature of their true beings. She believes I despise them out of jealousy...even now, it is difficult to write, as my rage has been all-encompassing.

We saw the scalpels, and the suturing supplies. Believe me, the thought crossed my mind more than once. However, it would do no good...Zillah would misinterpret it completely. I cannot punish Zillah. I cannot blame her. She was conditioned to react this way to those experiences. I know this. However, I want to scream at her, I want to impress it into her mind that they did not love her, they hurt her, they hurt us goddamn it, no matter what lies spewed forth from their mouths, it was still abuse.

And how concise they were! How adept at committing such atrocities, and how very keen their sense of understanding the mind of a child.

This is unbelievably frustrating.