Difficult choices.

Hollowed: not to be confused with hallowed...not by far.

As certain times of the year rise again, I find myself in the same exact place as before. It seems I have not improved at all. And yet, I am not the same person I was a year prior. Ergo: if I have changed, and yet, I have not improved, what does that dictate?

Exactly.

I daresay things have spiralled more now than before. There are reasons, of course; issues and persons of our past have revisited in a horrific manner. Obvious triggers, with which I must contend, and Zillah is still a force more immense than I first knew. Even my own behavior of late has been erratic, I am told. Though, Denial is my very close friend.

And so, therefore, I feel hollowed: an empty shell, riding existence as if it were a violent gust of wind, spiralling hither and thither with no choices of my own.

Yes. Of course there are always choices. However, one must be realistic: at times, there are a set of choices presented that no one, ever, should be forced to decide. Especially since the "correct" choice is often the most difficult to implement.