Much to relay.

So much has occured in the past few days.

We have been plagued with pneumonia since the beginning of May. We did not seek a doctor, as we were without medical insurance. It has been getting progressively worse, and it peaked two nights ago. Our breathing was so labored we lost consciousness briefly. At that moment, we decided that visiting a doctor was of paramount importance.

The doctor was most helpful, and courteous. We received three breathing treatments (nearly $200 apiece), for which he did not charge us, as he knew we did not have medical insurance. He also gave us several hundred dollars in samples: three months' worth of Clarinex and Singulair were among them, plus just as many months of a few other medications, as well. We were only charged for the office visit, and two prescriptions which gave us a grand total of $140.
It turns out that our pneumonia had led to possible mild-grade pleurisy, which led to chronic asthma. He saw the lung damage the pleurisy had given us, but it seems to be in remission. At least asthma is controllable; the inability to breathe is indeed frightening.

And a second issue:

Our mind, as of late, has been flooded with images of the past. Things some of us wish not to recall, and things some (shamefully) wish to recreate. That is very difficult for me to accept, as I do feel comfortable with being in control...and in this, I feel I am not. My thoughts regarding the Gun Show and with the memory I shared of the Rahkas Wars still haunt me; and then this. Of course, I understand that this is all unlikely to occur again. So: why does it overshadow me as it does?

Further:

Circus-Circus Casino has a small amusement park called Adventuredome. During the entire month of October, it is renamed "Frightdome" or "Screamdome", or something equally as silly to commemorate Hallowe'en. They put on a series of real-time shows that allows the audience participate. One of the shows they are performing opens with a newscaster "reporting live" from the scene of an old house, where screaming children have been heard from within. It escalates to eyewitness accounts of secret chambers, blood-letting, and hooded unknowns. Then the priest is introduced, and supposedly the demons break free to terrorize the public--or, the audience.

I have not seen this show, and I do not know the script. However, it shocked us: so many similarities. Part of me is angered that such a thing would be made into amusement, but then, I despair for humanity most times, as it is.

And I wonder: when I mention my experiences, is it something most dismiss as some type of Hallowe'en folk-tale?

I assure you, it most certainly was not. We suffered immensely, and still do. We were drugged, raped, cut, and burned; not to mention the rituals in which we were forced to participate, the allegiance we were forced to pledge, the fear and molten pain we endured nightly for years just to survive this long, somewhat broken even as I speak, just to see this gross mockery of our ordeal--and the ordeal shared by so many others--brought to life by a cast of ignorants in order to make cheap money from slack-jawed onllookers.

Fuck them. If only they knew.

And I look to God, trying to make sense of this, of the condition of this world. I see no reprieve. I have ultimate faith in God, and I try to find comfort in Him and His Word. And yet...

And yet, this pain.