War, misunderstood.

Jude is one of the small ones Inside, approximately eight years of age. As of late, he seems to have taken a macabre interest in war. He tries to exalt it, and I tell him the stories, holding nothing back, so that he may know the truth. This has been going on for a few weeks now, perhaps as long as two months. I thought that perhaps it was a passing phase, or merely a child's curiousity.

However, the other day, I found something in his personal box (a toy-box, if you will). It was a set of dog-tags, which struck me as odd. After examining it thoroughly, I realized it was written in Cyrillic, and therefore, probably Russian, or perhaps Croatian.
I spent much time analyzing the piece, and then took my search to the Internet. I found it is indeed Russian, though not Soviet. I carefully matched the letters, and from what I can tell, it is either for Paratroopers or Special Forces.

I asked Jude why he had the dog-tags, and how he had come to own them. At first he denied he had anything to do with them, and then relented. He told me he had bought them at the Gun Show--which, I am finding, is much more trouble than it was worth. I told him that being interested in the military was fine, and even admirable, but I reiterated that the war aspect of military was not something to be glorified. Jude became very flippant, and told me that he was only trying to be like me, and that I seem to discuss it quite often. I sense Caleb had something to do with this.

Admittedly, I do. However, I never try to pass it off as something fun, as something I particularly enjoyed. It was something I felt compelled to do, something that was out of my control.

And yet, I wonder if he picked up on the way I felt during the Gun Show. Perhaps, somehow, he misinterpreted my thoughts. Truth me told, the wars were a very intense part of our existance; and almost a foundation for mine. It is nothing I am proud of, and there are so many times I beg for the memories to be taken from me. I find that it is still a sort of hideous obsession, nonetheless. And now, I have unwittingly introduced it to Jude, who is still so young. I do not want him to follow in Scott's footsteps...Scott, who became Jet, the mercenary. Another child-soldier, my God it is the last thing I would ever desire.