Few options.

I spoke in depth to my tactical officer today. No real good news. Our strategist is still missing and I am trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy. I show a smile for my small ones, I keep myself busy. My heart feels on-edge; I have been fighting the Halo of the Spiral yet again and I know if I surrender to it, I am surrendering all. I do not want to fall so low again. The idea of suicidal ideation frightens me...when it hits me, of course, it has only a calming effect, but beforehand, as now, the very idea chills me. I lose control. My mind slows, my thoughts become incoherent. The last time, I recall, was so bleak I even lost my ability to effectively communicate. In all the apprehension I have in regards to my mortality--due to integration or otherwise--it strikes me as odd that suicidal thoughts would even find their way into my mind. And really, suicide for me, at least, is so very silly. So incredibly foolish. What would it accomplish? How would it help? I know if I were to act upon these fleeting thoughts, the Rahkas would be upon Nambiet in such a very short time. There would be no hope. It would be a shame to fight for so long, and so diligently, only to give up at the cusp of victory. Let us hope victory is in our future, indeed.