Lo çunisi.
Aside from the proximity to the obvious anniversary today (which I shall ignore, as I despise discussing politics if I can help it), quite a few things have occured as of late.
Niven has been hit with quite a dilemma: elders at the Pavillion have debated whether his small ones are safe in his keep. This is partially because of their pacifistic nature, and they oppose his helping me while I was away. This is also because they do not think that exposing his small ones to Outsiders is desirable. They have given him an ultimatum of sorts, and he has taken a leave of absence until it can be resolved. He is very shaken over the entire situation.
The sister, her boyfriend and her son came to visit today. It was very much a surprise, as our schedules often collide and therefore we have little time to see them, and vice-versa. For the most part, it was pleasurable. However, at the beginning, she was rather angry at us; with me, in particular. It was in regards to one of my previous journal entries, in which I wrote that the Host wanted to cut, and I basically stood by and allowed it. The sister believes that I would dare allow this to become dangerous, or even fatal. She mentioned that I am not living up to my duties if I continue to allow this type of behavior, and although I can most definately see why she might believe this, at the same time I wanted to impress upon her that this is not something that simply ends. We have come a long way from where we were in 2000 and 2001, cutting twenty or so times daily, suturing our wounds. It has been two months now since we self-harmed at all. Not our best record, by far...but damn it, it is a process. She also mentioned that if we cannot keep from harming ourself, then she will make it so we will lose our employment. I highly doubt that. To be honest, I can make a weapon from any one object. One does not need a specific tool to harm oneself, and her claims that she could find us employment somewhere without any dangerous items is impossible. No, this is not a challenge; I am merely stating the truth.
Aerith suggested I begin censoring what I write, as it is known that the sister reads the site often now. She told me that, as a female, she understands how the sister feels. (As if I am not capable of understanding, but I let the comment pass.) I must say I considered it, as it would be fairly simple to take graphic or sensitive entries to a page with a passcode. However, I never censored my free-thoughts prior, and I will not start now. She has read far worse.
Again, however, I must reiterate that her wrath only lasted a few minutes, then she apologized and said she told us those things only because she cares for us. I believe her. We allowed her (nearly) three-year-old son to play with some of Molly's and Jude's toys, and he seemed to enjoy that immensely. He especially liked the toy cars and miniature ink-stamps; when he left, he had practically covered his arms in them.
It is rather late, and the body needs rest. I shall write more later, as I have the time. It is so good to be back.
Niven has been hit with quite a dilemma: elders at the Pavillion have debated whether his small ones are safe in his keep. This is partially because of their pacifistic nature, and they oppose his helping me while I was away. This is also because they do not think that exposing his small ones to Outsiders is desirable. They have given him an ultimatum of sorts, and he has taken a leave of absence until it can be resolved. He is very shaken over the entire situation.
The sister, her boyfriend and her son came to visit today. It was very much a surprise, as our schedules often collide and therefore we have little time to see them, and vice-versa. For the most part, it was pleasurable. However, at the beginning, she was rather angry at us; with me, in particular. It was in regards to one of my previous journal entries, in which I wrote that the Host wanted to cut, and I basically stood by and allowed it. The sister believes that I would dare allow this to become dangerous, or even fatal. She mentioned that I am not living up to my duties if I continue to allow this type of behavior, and although I can most definately see why she might believe this, at the same time I wanted to impress upon her that this is not something that simply ends. We have come a long way from where we were in 2000 and 2001, cutting twenty or so times daily, suturing our wounds. It has been two months now since we self-harmed at all. Not our best record, by far...but damn it, it is a process. She also mentioned that if we cannot keep from harming ourself, then she will make it so we will lose our employment. I highly doubt that. To be honest, I can make a weapon from any one object. One does not need a specific tool to harm oneself, and her claims that she could find us employment somewhere without any dangerous items is impossible. No, this is not a challenge; I am merely stating the truth.
Aerith suggested I begin censoring what I write, as it is known that the sister reads the site often now. She told me that, as a female, she understands how the sister feels. (As if I am not capable of understanding, but I let the comment pass.) I must say I considered it, as it would be fairly simple to take graphic or sensitive entries to a page with a passcode. However, I never censored my free-thoughts prior, and I will not start now. She has read far worse.
Again, however, I must reiterate that her wrath only lasted a few minutes, then she apologized and said she told us those things only because she cares for us. I believe her. We allowed her (nearly) three-year-old son to play with some of Molly's and Jude's toys, and he seemed to enjoy that immensely. He especially liked the toy cars and miniature ink-stamps; when he left, he had practically covered his arms in them.
It is rather late, and the body needs rest. I shall write more later, as I have the time. It is so good to be back.
posted by Logan Nambiet at
11:01 PM
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