A struggle to maintain.

The flaming sphere of ice has returned. Last evening it was merely a pebble deep in my belly, easy to quell if I concetrated on ignoring it well enough. Yet overnight it has been steadily increasing in volume, until now, when I am left confused and distraught...

The muscles are weak and refuse commands to work as they should. Numb and rebellious, I believe they relish this behavior. I refuse to admit I am encompassed in a silent depression; I shall not allow it. I shall overcome this. I reiterate to myself that emotions cannot be trusted, that stoicism is the safest route...I have become to comfortable in the sudden onslaught of emotion, however, and there is little to hold them back now. My resolve is resolute, and my will strong; can this be enough?

I am not writing as eloguently as I could be. My mind is fogged, my senses dulled. I am so very cold, and I haven't any idea as to what to do; God help me.