Rather busy times, these.
The situation with Mjollnir is a little more complicated than I once believed. He is not wanting to change or relinquish rights, and I am not certain I can force him to do so. I am wondering if there are any options; one cannot let him roam free. That in itself is taking alot of my time.
We are also preparing for school, which will be very exhausting. We had to buy eleven books, including books on blueprints-reading, cables and wiring, technical mathematics, and conduit fabrication. It is all learned on the job, but extra practice and tutelage is necessary, and the lessons look brutal.
I suppose my deepest underlying issue at the moment is an odd type of confusion. I have never really made friends outside our Collective; I have never seen a purpose to it. Now I find myself with a friend, one I can speak honestly with, one I care about deeply. One who, as far as I can tell, accepts me as I am. I am not experienced in this...I know how silly I sound, having never had a friend and not knowing what to do with myself. However, I feel something strange in myself...I became concerned at once and discussed it with the Host, who said it was "merely" a type of love one feels for a good friend. (As if I were expected to know this.)
Love...that is a concept I am not able to grasp. There are two types of love I am able to comprehend: the protective love one has for a child, let us say; and the erotic love one has for one's mate. I know there is a love one has for God, and a love one has for, say, parental figures...however, it is difficult for me to fathom that. The love one has for a friend is equally as perplexing. I am worried that I am somehow acting inappropriately, and I am very cautious and stand-offish now around this friend. I find mysef saying and doing things I would not say or do, otherwise. I cannot tell if that is because of the situation, or if it is Mjollnir...either way, I am afraid it will only serve to offend. Furthermore, there are those who I feel I may want to create friendships with, and I am hesitating now. I am not sure what to do. Flashbacks, Mjollnir, relationships...
We are also preparing for school, which will be very exhausting. We had to buy eleven books, including books on blueprints-reading, cables and wiring, technical mathematics, and conduit fabrication. It is all learned on the job, but extra practice and tutelage is necessary, and the lessons look brutal.
I suppose my deepest underlying issue at the moment is an odd type of confusion. I have never really made friends outside our Collective; I have never seen a purpose to it. Now I find myself with a friend, one I can speak honestly with, one I care about deeply. One who, as far as I can tell, accepts me as I am. I am not experienced in this...I know how silly I sound, having never had a friend and not knowing what to do with myself. However, I feel something strange in myself...I became concerned at once and discussed it with the Host, who said it was "merely" a type of love one feels for a good friend. (As if I were expected to know this.)
Love...that is a concept I am not able to grasp. There are two types of love I am able to comprehend: the protective love one has for a child, let us say; and the erotic love one has for one's mate. I know there is a love one has for God, and a love one has for, say, parental figures...however, it is difficult for me to fathom that. The love one has for a friend is equally as perplexing. I am worried that I am somehow acting inappropriately, and I am very cautious and stand-offish now around this friend. I find mysef saying and doing things I would not say or do, otherwise. I cannot tell if that is because of the situation, or if it is Mjollnir...either way, I am afraid it will only serve to offend. Furthermore, there are those who I feel I may want to create friendships with, and I am hesitating now. I am not sure what to do. Flashbacks, Mjollnir, relationships...
posted by Logan Nambiet at
4:02 PM
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