Treading lightly.
No matter how hard I try, what research I conduct, or what I think I understand, I know nothing. There are too many things that cannot be explained. A friend of ours sent us a site on The Shire, and I read a good deal of it. I know why our friend did this; it is because of Piers, because of the Rahkas and Jescua. (Or Yesua, either are correct.) She asks questions and I do try, but sometimes there are no answers. For instance, how did I survive so long before having chosen the new identity of James? I have no idea. I scarcely recall those times. Why did Piirek claim Jescua? How did the Rahkas follow him? Who are the Cieltese? No one knows. Anyone who might have known is now dead, or unwilling to speak. There are too many theories as to how we came to be. Part of my yearns to understand and yet...
And yet, does it matter? We are here, nonetheless. I was once known as James, anyone who knew me by that name would likely have forgotten me, by now. And as for Jescua, I have never had a satisfactory answer in regards to where it is, or how any of Jescua's self-proclaimed inhabitants arrived here. Of course, they hint at the Neverwhere, and the storms, but that is no kind of answer.
I suppose what I mean to say, is this: We all come from incredible beginnings. I know how a child is conceived, and that in itself is remarkable. To me, that is almost unmistakable proof in the existance of God. I cannot see a child's conception, and subsequent birth, as anything save miraculous. Why is the basic fact of conception so easy to accept by millions, theists and non-theists alike, and my own manner of existance is questioned? Since I was not born, I cannot have a soul? I was present as the Host grew up, I remember her school days just as she does. Whether I was created by God, or "programmed" to exist, or made a journey through time and space to fulfill a duty...does it matter? Am I not here, nonetheless?
It is a trifle unsettling, honestly, to think of the circumstances that aided in my coming here. Perhaps I would like to forget. There is so much I would like to ignore or avoid.
My existance, as it is, is all I know. I have nothing to draw from other than that. It is perfectly natural to me--not to mention, preferable--to live as I do, Inside with the rest of the Collective. The thought of being One is terrifying. An enigma. It must be a very sad and desolate experience, indeed.
And yet, does it matter? We are here, nonetheless. I was once known as James, anyone who knew me by that name would likely have forgotten me, by now. And as for Jescua, I have never had a satisfactory answer in regards to where it is, or how any of Jescua's self-proclaimed inhabitants arrived here. Of course, they hint at the Neverwhere, and the storms, but that is no kind of answer.
I suppose what I mean to say, is this: We all come from incredible beginnings. I know how a child is conceived, and that in itself is remarkable. To me, that is almost unmistakable proof in the existance of God. I cannot see a child's conception, and subsequent birth, as anything save miraculous. Why is the basic fact of conception so easy to accept by millions, theists and non-theists alike, and my own manner of existance is questioned? Since I was not born, I cannot have a soul? I was present as the Host grew up, I remember her school days just as she does. Whether I was created by God, or "programmed" to exist, or made a journey through time and space to fulfill a duty...does it matter? Am I not here, nonetheless?
It is a trifle unsettling, honestly, to think of the circumstances that aided in my coming here. Perhaps I would like to forget. There is so much I would like to ignore or avoid.
My existance, as it is, is all I know. I have nothing to draw from other than that. It is perfectly natural to me--not to mention, preferable--to live as I do, Inside with the rest of the Collective. The thought of being One is terrifying. An enigma. It must be a very sad and desolate experience, indeed.
posted by Logan Nambiet at
7:02 PM
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