Lingering addiction, and stigma.

We were forced to ingest and recieve injections of various narcotics during some of the later abuse. I still deeply crave some of these narcotics. Simple things trigger the desire: a straight-edge razorblade, or something as innocent as an empty vial. Part of me--us?--still wants it, wants that identity. We have no identity, really...we are Nambiet, a body with fifty or so names, not quite one and not quite individual, either. If it were as easy to check in to a Multiples-Who-Have-Ritual-Abuse-Pasts-and-Self-Destructive-Behaviors Anonymous meeting as it is for a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, and without the added stigma, I think it would be, as Daniel said, more speakable, and understandable. If one says one is a drug addict, there are fifty others who are there, or were there, either to offer "war-stories" or encouragement for kicking the habit. If one mentions "Insiders" or why the solstice is frightening, then the heads turn, idle chatter dies, and inevitably someone blurts out, "D.I.D. is a myth...and there's no proof of ritual abuse." No one says "There's no proof that narcotics can be addicting." or, "Alcoholism is a myth." To cover up one underlying issue with an outward one is almost a relief...I can say, "It is not that one of us is having a flashback, it is that I have consumed too much bourbon." No uneasy stares, no scoffing strangers. And it is accepted, just like that. And yet, I feel despicable for even admitting that.