Restless.

It was still dark out when I found myself sitting on the veranda. I have been rather pensive, as of late; there was proof in the fact that my cigarette had burned away without having ever touched it to my lips. There was nothing left, save a column of ash topping the filter. At the time, I scarcely noticed.

I watched the sun rise, a lavish splendor of color that I saw flow and ebb: mauve, scarlet and gold trailed over the sky, making the stars obsolete. It was glorious...so often I forget to find majesty is such things.

I am restless; there is so much to do, and there is never really the right time to do any of them. Time is short, I know, and when one has too many things on one's mind, it leads to hopelessness. I am calm, and I do not believe that will occur. If I maintain my wits about me, if I remember to keep logic close, I cannot fail. I truly believe that.

I am wondering...has anyone else been in the situation where they really have no choice but to go through with something, hating it and at the same time, knowing it absolutely must be done? I think I am there now. To not do as I need to, that is unthinkable. It is not even an option. Yet to go ahead with it chills me.

I think I have started talking in circles. Perhaps I will write more later.