Knowing first, then understanding.
Quite a few things occuring as of late. Where to begin?
Things have been rather intense in therapy. Personally, I see no gain in seeing a therapist at all. The Host sits there for her hour session and
rambles on about nothing really, and completely avoids anything substantial. She is master at avoidance, and she wonders why nothing is ever resolved. I refuse to come forth and deal with her issues, I have done it for far too long, and if she insists that we spend an hour travel-time and an hour session time each week to speak of nonsense, then that is her choice. It does not mean, however, that I will give in and deal with these things for her.
Something else struck me a little deeper. During our lunch break, as I once mentioned, we often sit and tell
stories. It is rarely anything deep, as we try to keep one another laughing to stave off fatigue. One of our journeymen in particular delights in being comedic, and that suits him well. Without delving into politics, our crew began speaking of religion, in
general. Someone from one of the other trades walked past and said something flippant, to the effect of, "It's only a fool that believes in God." Knowing this man, I doubt he meant it, he was merely trying out his machismo (a long story). However, the comedian in our crew turned to him and told him quite seriously:
"You know, yeah, I guess you have to be a fool. But I know when you're crouched down in a damn foxhole surrounded by shrapnel and gunfire, you learn to pray. And when you're holding one of your buddies, hoping he don't die on you, you get a little better at that prayer thing. And when he does die, and you have no choice but to pray for the fucking courage to
pull yourself up and run down-range, you know, you realize it's not all that foolish, after all."
It was deeply moving to me, in more ways that one. I wanted to tell him I could relate; I wanted to tell him I know the jaded look in a soldier's eyes. I think in some ways I should elaborate, but I think it is best to leave this be for the moment.
Things have been rather intense in therapy. Personally, I see no gain in seeing a therapist at all. The Host sits there for her hour session and
rambles on about nothing really, and completely avoids anything substantial. She is master at avoidance, and she wonders why nothing is ever resolved. I refuse to come forth and deal with her issues, I have done it for far too long, and if she insists that we spend an hour travel-time and an hour session time each week to speak of nonsense, then that is her choice. It does not mean, however, that I will give in and deal with these things for her.
Something else struck me a little deeper. During our lunch break, as I once mentioned, we often sit and tell
stories. It is rarely anything deep, as we try to keep one another laughing to stave off fatigue. One of our journeymen in particular delights in being comedic, and that suits him well. Without delving into politics, our crew began speaking of religion, in
general. Someone from one of the other trades walked past and said something flippant, to the effect of, "It's only a fool that believes in God." Knowing this man, I doubt he meant it, he was merely trying out his machismo (a long story). However, the comedian in our crew turned to him and told him quite seriously:
"You know, yeah, I guess you have to be a fool. But I know when you're crouched down in a damn foxhole surrounded by shrapnel and gunfire, you learn to pray. And when you're holding one of your buddies, hoping he don't die on you, you get a little better at that prayer thing. And when he does die, and you have no choice but to pray for the fucking courage to
pull yourself up and run down-range, you know, you realize it's not all that foolish, after all."
It was deeply moving to me, in more ways that one. I wanted to tell him I could relate; I wanted to tell him I know the jaded look in a soldier's eyes. I think in some ways I should elaborate, but I think it is best to leave this be for the moment.
posted by Logan Nambiet at
1:14 AM
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