Something incredibly familiar.
I believe I have posted this once before, perhaps, as it seems more familiar than it should. I am uncertain why I feel this way; in my heart I know the truth, and yet seeing it plainly leaves me with a sense of surprise even now.
None of us are entirely certain the religion fed to us at the young age. It seems less one religion, and more a smooth mixture of several. It appears that many were studied, and the applicable parts were cut and pasted together to form what would suit them best. I see aspects of Catholicism, aspects of Egyptian Gnosticism, aspects of Wicca, yet the overall feel of this particular belief system seems more to be Pagan in the roots with Christianity thrown atop it to mask the true nature. This is not to say that Pagan-based faiths are inherently evil or even wrong. Rather, those who created the beliefs fed to us took what they needed from each and discarded the rest. That is dangerous in any faith.
I am not certain why I continue to search passively for understanding. It is dead to me now, and the past lies far from me. However, I also feel that perhaps, knowing the truth and reasoning behind it all would open doors now locked to me, doors that would help with combatting what we face even now, Inside. Many of us are still rather fractured, and there is something missing. Were that I knew what it was, I could seek it out and present it, so that Nambiet could flourish. Instead, I am aimless, much like the rest: it behooves no one.
The Light of God still eludes me. Perhaps that is what I seek, truly, to be close again. I wonder if, perhaps, I ever was. I was told once that if one loses one's faith, one never truly had it to begin with. I would like to think I did, once. I would like to think that moments spent in perfect solitude were not in vain. I would like to think that I am incorrect, completely, and any moment a bright spark of understanding and belief might fill me, and I will no longer be the dry husk of a Beast I am now. Even in that, I am fading. Something feels amiss, and it is a feeling I cannot shake.
None of us are entirely certain the religion fed to us at the young age. It seems less one religion, and more a smooth mixture of several. It appears that many were studied, and the applicable parts were cut and pasted together to form what would suit them best. I see aspects of Catholicism, aspects of Egyptian Gnosticism, aspects of Wicca, yet the overall feel of this particular belief system seems more to be Pagan in the roots with Christianity thrown atop it to mask the true nature. This is not to say that Pagan-based faiths are inherently evil or even wrong. Rather, those who created the beliefs fed to us took what they needed from each and discarded the rest. That is dangerous in any faith.
I am not certain why I continue to search passively for understanding. It is dead to me now, and the past lies far from me. However, I also feel that perhaps, knowing the truth and reasoning behind it all would open doors now locked to me, doors that would help with combatting what we face even now, Inside. Many of us are still rather fractured, and there is something missing. Were that I knew what it was, I could seek it out and present it, so that Nambiet could flourish. Instead, I am aimless, much like the rest: it behooves no one.
The Light of God still eludes me. Perhaps that is what I seek, truly, to be close again. I wonder if, perhaps, I ever was. I was told once that if one loses one's faith, one never truly had it to begin with. I would like to think I did, once. I would like to think that moments spent in perfect solitude were not in vain. I would like to think that I am incorrect, completely, and any moment a bright spark of understanding and belief might fill me, and I will no longer be the dry husk of a Beast I am now. Even in that, I am fading. Something feels amiss, and it is a feeling I cannot shake.
posted by Logan Nambiet at
9:04 PM
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