Unwavering.

I saw it approaching weeks ago. Perhaps months ago, even. I am losing everything. Part of me ceases to care and instead looks upon this with sublime resignation and perhaps relief. If there is nothing that can be done, then I feel less at fault for doing nothing about it.

There is a small, detached part of me that oftentimes lies dormant. I scarcely realize I hold it within. Some might think of it as the antithesis of the fight-or-flight response. I sense it only when I feel that there is nothing in my control any longer, and I feel it now. Between negotiations, Aquilin, the Gate, caring for the small ones, rebuffing Malcolm, keeping a constant eye on our internal security and the trivial, day-to-day issues that arise, I also must contend with the Outside, and the additional dangers confronting us there. Work, school, trying to maintain the act. It was easier when the Host was unaware; things occured and there were no explanations needed. Now she wishes to not only know everything that occurs, but the reasons behind it, and she has even requested to be made a part of the decision-making process. I find that wholly unrealistic.

In the meantime, I sense other things that may prove problematic. I hesitate to speak of them as often my paranoia speaks without reason. I will wait, and watch, and react if need be.

Lo rivettè nam kuidas ne çiisó olanno. Neve nai sirnè bejsce ilanen sante kuidas? Lo matte. Nai sirnó isanta, nai penttù sorenni, piro kesen nai bisjè retuin, sonaese.