Prepped for abandonment.
I feel God is conditioning me for it.
I was not always a Christian. That is a very new development...this January, in fact. The Host had been Christian since the previous August, but I did all in my power to get her/us banned from as many churches as possible. At that time, I believed only in myself. Screaming obscenities during a sermon or sucker-punching a pastor was nothing I was ashamed of...ot then, at least.
We had been raised as Jehovah's Witness until the chronological age of nine. At that time, we were introduced into a strange type of cult...I won't go into details. At age fourteen we became atheist. (I had really always been atheist, but most of us were by age fourteen.) Then we searched: we became Wiccan, Universalist, Quaker; we researched the Therevada sect of Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Zoroastrianism, Taoism, Baha'i and Gnosticism. Some of us chose differently than the rest. I won't go into who celebrated what or why, but I will say that now, even as having identified ourself as Christian, we still acknowledge certain points from other faiths. For instance, we know that the year is 2003 according to the Western calender, 5763 according to the Jewish calender, 160 B.E. according to the Baha'i, 4701 to certain Buddhist Asian nations, and 1424 A.H. for followers of Islam. We celebrate the Shinto holiday of Setsubun-sai, and observe the Jewish High Holy Days. I could go on and on...what would be apparent is that the entier year is filled to the brin with holy days of other faiths, and we like to partake in many of them.
Is that so wrong?
I identify myself as Christian because of my faith, and my belief that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. Of course there is more to it, but I do not believe it is necessary to spell out to everyone the whys and wherefores of my beliefs. I celebrate or observe holy days from other faiths because I feel right in doing so. I am not giving homage to another god or gods. Or goddesses, for that matter.
I keep feeling as if this sudden exodus of so many of the Collective has something to do with this. That I have sinned odiously, and am being punished. I find myself wonder what the point is; why put my trust in God if it is inevitable that I am to be made redundant? An awful thing to say, really. I don't really believe it, I suppose. I just do not know where I am going with this.
I felt content when I was busy: shuffling the young ones around where they needed to be, being mediator in disputes, watching for the perceived ever-present danger lurking in the shadows. I felt we had accomplished so much...truly, we had come a long way from the fragmented, suicidal, death-obsessed tangle of beings shut into this one body. We have rules now; we are cordial and functioning. I can see where perhaps the duties of some Aspects had been fulfilled, and their ongoing presence was no longer necessary. Yet, even this brings a new idea: am I merely a series of duties to be performed? I would like to think otherwise. I have free-will, I make choices regarding my life. I have emotions...some run a little deeper or wilder than others, but they are mine, damn it.
I was not always a Christian. That is a very new development...this January, in fact. The Host had been Christian since the previous August, but I did all in my power to get her/us banned from as many churches as possible. At that time, I believed only in myself. Screaming obscenities during a sermon or sucker-punching a pastor was nothing I was ashamed of...ot then, at least.
We had been raised as Jehovah's Witness until the chronological age of nine. At that time, we were introduced into a strange type of cult...I won't go into details. At age fourteen we became atheist. (I had really always been atheist, but most of us were by age fourteen.) Then we searched: we became Wiccan, Universalist, Quaker; we researched the Therevada sect of Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Zoroastrianism, Taoism, Baha'i and Gnosticism. Some of us chose differently than the rest. I won't go into who celebrated what or why, but I will say that now, even as having identified ourself as Christian, we still acknowledge certain points from other faiths. For instance, we know that the year is 2003 according to the Western calender, 5763 according to the Jewish calender, 160 B.E. according to the Baha'i, 4701 to certain Buddhist Asian nations, and 1424 A.H. for followers of Islam. We celebrate the Shinto holiday of Setsubun-sai, and observe the Jewish High Holy Days. I could go on and on...what would be apparent is that the entier year is filled to the brin with holy days of other faiths, and we like to partake in many of them.
Is that so wrong?
I identify myself as Christian because of my faith, and my belief that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. Of course there is more to it, but I do not believe it is necessary to spell out to everyone the whys and wherefores of my beliefs. I celebrate or observe holy days from other faiths because I feel right in doing so. I am not giving homage to another god or gods. Or goddesses, for that matter.
I keep feeling as if this sudden exodus of so many of the Collective has something to do with this. That I have sinned odiously, and am being punished. I find myself wonder what the point is; why put my trust in God if it is inevitable that I am to be made redundant? An awful thing to say, really. I don't really believe it, I suppose. I just do not know where I am going with this.
I felt content when I was busy: shuffling the young ones around where they needed to be, being mediator in disputes, watching for the perceived ever-present danger lurking in the shadows. I felt we had accomplished so much...truly, we had come a long way from the fragmented, suicidal, death-obsessed tangle of beings shut into this one body. We have rules now; we are cordial and functioning. I can see where perhaps the duties of some Aspects had been fulfilled, and their ongoing presence was no longer necessary. Yet, even this brings a new idea: am I merely a series of duties to be performed? I would like to think otherwise. I have free-will, I make choices regarding my life. I have emotions...some run a little deeper or wilder than others, but they are mine, damn it.
posted by Logan Nambiet at
12:08 AM
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