One of Many

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Darkness.

Life is becoming increasingly difficult. It seems sometimes that we scarcely have the energy to breathe. The anniversary nears...

Classes are monotonous, and I detest saying that as I do like our instructor. However, formulas--even in something as simple as Ohm's law--seem unnecessary to survival, and right now survival is what we are trying to maintain. Anything further is entirely overwhelming. We need a plan before lo viernde-lisez finds us again.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

I was living on borrowed time.

I realize it with clarity now:

I suppose we all are; but it became obvious to me last evening that it is especially true for Nambiet. It is against all odds we survived. Aside from the abuse and such, there were Inside conflicts as well, including the Rahkas and betrayal from our own. It seems to me that it was purposely meant to be too much. "Les jeux sont faits"...I know that now.

I feel the inevitable, the impending Darkness. The curtain closes, and I want to go home.

A spark of lucidity, a sigh of resignation: they cradle me, and I am calm.

Ai-sirni srelin...nai sirnè kaeli ilanen hkaduir, piro ponskaett nepreão. Kaeli ai-paevi, sikae.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Disneyland.

Our weekend jaunt to Disneyland was incredibly relaxing. The small ones liked the Teacups and Molly insisted on posing near the "home" of the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Mark Twain's Riverboat was interesting, and I must say that the Storybook scenery was so very meticulous, I was amazed. Such detail in miniature with living plantlife, it really is something to be seen. And of course we went on many of the other rides: Star Tours, the ones featuring Roger Rabbit and Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion...so many more and we never stood in line for longer that ten minutes. As far as roller-coasters go, Big Thunder Mountain was exhilarating but the small ones wanted to cry, and the Matterhorn was closed for remodeling. We had intended to go to lunch at the Blue Bayou resaurant specifically for their Montecristo sandwich (divine, I tell you) but reservations were necessary and we did not know that then. The Host was very upset about it but we can surely go again sometime.

All in all the roadtrip experience itself was relaxing as well, getting away from Las Vegas and forgetting about work, school, the detective, all of that. Sometimes we feel so close to a complete mental breakdown I become seriously agitated by the possibility. We need this, from time to time, all of us. Some Inside insist we would be healthier if we did not work, as there are programs to provide for those unable to work but I steadfastly refuse. They cannot have taken our livelihood, our ability to care for ourself. As long as the choice is given to us, and as long as I am in charge of that decision, we will work. We will provide for ourself and ou household, we will be productive. We graduated high school, we can maintain employment. It may just be a fact that we need vacations like this to balance our sanity.