War-driven child abuse.

I read an article, recently, regarding child-soldiers. I know this is nothing new, by far, but it always stuns me. Children are remarkably resilient and can adapt to much more than an adult. Why this is, I am not certain, but in a sick, off-hand sense I beleive I could begin to understand. I do not beleive in using children for our resistance movement, and even when some volunteered, I turned them away. A child should not know the horrors of combat, in any sense, but there is a vast difference between seeing combat from afar, in the security of a shelter, and seeing them as they occur, to you and to your brothers-in-arms, forcing you to respond in kind.

This article centered around China Keitetsi, an Ugandan runaway at the age of eight, who survived as a soldier for several years before fleeing and applying for refugee status in South Africa. During that time she was abused, assaulted, and otherwise abused, on many occasions. A quote struck something within me: "The most difficult things to live with today are the ones I did on my own, because after being abused you carried this rage in you, and you wanted to give it on to someone because it was killing you inside. So what I did was torture the captured enemy, really put my whole rage on them without thinking ... and I wanted to prove to the boys that I was not just a special ration."

Her book has not been released in America yet, but I would like to read it, one day: Child Soldier: Fighting for My Life

A question.

We attend a vocational institution for an apprenticeship that receives funding from the United States government. We did rather well in our first year of this five year electrical program, but this scholastic year we are lacking, due to hospital stays and issues regarding our diagnoses. In Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1965 (I believe), it mentions that reasonable accomadations shall be made in the case of a disability, and beyond that, no discrimination based on disability can occur. We have missed quite a lot of work and school because of issues regarding diagnoses. Some Inside believe it is in our best interest to make good on this Act, and perhaps tell the apprenticeship board a very broad explanation of what is occuring, so as to not lose our place in either the afore-mentioned apprenticeship, or the union.

My question is this: Do these diabilities include those of a psychiatric nature? And is it best to tell the apprenticeship board, or to try and continue keeping all of this secretive? My worry is that apprentices, such as myself, are tested and interviewed prior to acceptance into the program. It is a rigorous and highly selective program, with thousands (literally) on a waiting list. Therefore, because of these facts, I am worried that they may find a reason to dismiss us from the program.

Reflection.

How I wish I had not had to do that, even now. To take a life kills a part of one's soul, and the realization of that hideous act can ultimately crush any sense of self.

That was written years ago, in regards to murder. Why does it still haunt me? And why would I not hesitate to do it again under similar circumstances? Sometimes the world ceases to make sense. The vindicated go free and the innocent drown in their own blood. What the fuck is the problem here? I wish I had the answers. I look to God for guidance and serenity but even there I falter.

A month later.

I look back and it seems surreal, that a month prior had been the chosen date. I am not certain how the date was chosen, actually; only that it was intended. To trace the descent would take entirely too long, so I shall be brief.

Everyone of Nambiet knew that Christmas would be the last day with family. All was set: instructions, a list of accounts and passcodes, and those to notify. Inside, the small ones were wrapped safely. No one was certain what to expect, but there was a general sense of calm, and of relief...all except Bruyère. She became hysterical and lost control. For that, now, I am grateful. Someone managed to make an attempt; we did manage to cut into a vein but it was not severed. Soon after, at an urgent care, we were involuntarily admitted to the psychiatric hospital.

I was enraged, at first. I do not enjoy being held against my will. The first day, no one spoke, except for Bruyère, who gave truthful histories. Everyone else stayed back, on my word. The next morning, however, Molly broke free and spoke to the good Dr. Bauer. As he fell right in with her and showed no disbelief, others spoke with him, as well: Emme, Siroun, Rhiannon, Niven, Caleb...and so it began. We were placed on a legal hold for nearly two weeks, during which time we spoke to a drug and alcohol counsellor, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist (for Nina), several therapists and a "support team", every morning. Some Inside were very active Outside, as this was safe for them to be at the forefront. And that was helpful, to say the least. I feel our time there was beneficial, as we would most certainly not be here, now, otherwise.