A dual-"anniversary", of sorts:

One month as a Christian, and six months without having injured the body. Perhaps this will be a fine year, after all. We have little more than shitty luck for the last few years, and it seems things are beginning to look upward again. This is not to say that we still do not get urges to cut once in awhile, and it certainly does not mean that my life as a new Christian has been perfect since. I still have struggles...that shocked me, actually. I supposed that after receiving Christ it would act as sort of a forcefield, if you will...something to keep out all harmful or negative experiences and thoughts.

Alas, is it is not to be. They say that Satan rules the earth, and God bides his time until Armageddon. Until, I must suffer as God sees fit. At very least, I have a ray of hope now, instead of that Halo of the Spiral.

Best forgotten.

Valentine's day...I loathe it. I do not mean to sound jealous, but I suppose I am. We are happy for the Host, of course, but I cannot help but to feel that I have been excluded from love of another. Of course there is God's love, which I am ever-grateful for, but...at times I want nothing more than an intimacy, of any sort. Damn it all.

I restrain myself from allowing the boyfriend to hold the body when I am present...not that he would ever know, because if he did he would refuse. Not only that, but it would be a bit awkward. Molly sneaks in sometimes, however. I believe he must suspect that. He is annoyed by Molly, but he loathes me. I believe his exact words were, "I hope you die". Yes, that was it.

I must admit, I do receive hugs from others Inside, and they are warm and comforting, but there is still something missing. I want human touch. I want to feel the warmth of kind fingertips. One would think I would never want to be touched again, after what had occurred, but still I crave a physical communion with another. I wonder if I want it merely because I cannot have it.

Irrelevant.

What is Groundhog's Day? Why is it significant? What is a groundhog, exactly? Why does it matter if he sees his shadow? It makes no sense whatsoever...I think basing the turning of seasons on a damn rodent is a bit...stupid, really.