Recurring dream.

There is a building in what appears to be an industrial complex. Inside is darkness and shreds of moonlight through clouded windows. The carpet is damp, one can hear it as one walks upon it. The far wall to the left moves in the darkness, forms swirling on it, on it, through it. the forms mewl like strung kittens. There is a hallway adjacent to this wall. In the middle is an upside-down bicycle with one wheel turning lazily. As one makes one's way down the hallway, the bicycle moves farther away, until it too is obscured in darkness. But the soft squealing of that lone tire pervades. On either side of the hallway are a myriad of doors. Each door is closed, and the doors themselves are damp and swolen. Bruised. Inside is the sound of muffled violins and flutes; classical music. There is a door at the end of the hall, straight forward to where one stands. This door is ajar, and there is the sound ofrunning water coming from within. It is obvious as one moves closer that the dampness in the carpet comes from this room. Opening the door, is revealed a bathroom. A clouded, broken mirror over a defunct stand-alone sink.. To the left is an old-fashioned bathtub, on feet. It was not water. Blood flows forth from the bathtub, as it is overflowing from the immensity of it. And inside the bathtub sits a grinning man with his eyes torn out. I know he had been driven to madness by what was held inside these other rooms, so he torn out his own eyes and severed his own arteries in hopes the visions will leave him.

This, and the dream of crows, haunt me. I am certain it means something, and yet I could not guess.

An inner truth.

The flesh falls apart like burnt leaves, sewn haphazardly to brittle bones and empty souls. There is no heart, only a deep and sullen void, a barren landscape of a man, who walks but is already dead. There is no desire, no bright spark, if ever he had one. This being damned to Perdition, hung to die and abandoned by his own. He trusts nothing to be as it seems. A hope returns, though a grim hope. There is release at least, he knows this. A forbidden release, but it sings sweetly to him. He listens, and is charmed. His own hear this siren-song as well, and return. Suddenly as never before they rally about him, and they become one, as it was meant to be: swaying and dancing the macabre steps of those already dead, and yet yearning for Death to claim them.

There are two options:

Live as empty souls, walk as the undead...or embrace that which will deliver them to darkness.

Honesty is not always the best policy.

For a few weeks we had been experiencing a few side effects due to medications I am taking. These are common side effects of the medication. The most noticible one was vomitting and inability to focus, which sometimes affected my work progress. The therapist suggested we come clean about this, and mention to whomever might be in charge of patient relations that we were being prescribed medication, and to mention the side effects. I knew the safety coordinator for our company, and I thought he might be the best person to approach regarding this. I thought this was the best, most forward approach that would not cause further questioning. Instead, the safety coordinator requsted I bring in a release to work note, which I produced. However, that was considered unsatisfactory due to the fact that I no longer am under that doctor's care. Not only that, but we are under the care of a mental health clinician rather than a psychiatrist at this time.

The safety coordinator then asked to fill out a release of information from my clinician's office. The staff there obliged but begudgingly; they sent a release that entitled the safety coordinator only to information regarding my medication and my ability to work. He insinuated that this was also insufficient, and he would be writing a letter, questioning...God only knows. He will be including the release of information with his letter.

I feel this has spiralled out of control at this point. I do not mind being forward about medications, as I understand that there are rather odd side effects, and it may inhibit production at times. I am specifically worried that he may come across my reasons for taking these medications, and/or the discharge diagnoses. I sent an e-mail which made the training director of the apprenticeship program aware of the situation, but I have yet to know what to do. This could end badly.

Growing weary.

I am really very ready for this current school year to be finished.

Another transfer.

Several days ago, we were transferred to the pre-fab shop, under direct supervision at all times. I have a suspicion this is due to the rather extreme injury I caused in mid-March. It was far worse that I had intended, and I believe my foreman knew exactly what he was looking at. At the airport, there was absolutely no way the wound could have been sustained in the line of work, and the wound itself was so wide and deep I could not properly suture it. It simply would not come together. I fear that perhaps I may have gone too far in it, and we may have become obvious. As what is done is indeed already done, I have no choice but to feign ignorance as far as the injury is concerned, and work instead to prove our worth as an apprentice.

The work itself is simple. Most apprentices there are first-years, though there are a few second-years, as well. The work involves handling of material and fabrication of specific goods to be used on-site. These might be junction boxes with cables already installed or conduit bent to a pre-determined degree. Most everyone seems friendly and in that, I am certain it will be easy to maintain normalcy.

Low scores.

Really, we should be wary of our exam days; our score is not as high as we would like, for three reasons:

01. We received a score of 66% on our mid-term exam. Bear in mind that 75% is failing.
02. With our accumulated missed days in school, we have been penalized with a subtraction of five percent from our overall score.
03. With all that has occured of late, the mind worries less about school and more about so many other things, our homework goes unfinished, and then our tests are abysmal.
Somehow, we neeed to concentrate more on this. Our instructor is very lenient and helps us more than the rest, but he can only do so much. Really, this year is only memorization: formulas for AC (alternating current) theory, the National Electrical Code, and a little review from last year...it should be not as difficult as we make it. Perhaps now is a good time to have a meeting.

A milestone.

I can scarcely believe that Tannah and Bruyère have been together for over nine years. It baffles the mind. One cannot help but to forward a congratulations to the both of them.

Itinerary.

We finally recieved our purchased tickets today. The itinerary has changed drastically, as now Tannah is coming with us, and we are also spending much more time overseas. That, and we shall be meeting with other friends while in Ireland and the United Kingdom.

27 May: Leave from Las Vegas to LAX, red-eye to Dublin.
28 May: Arrive in Dublin.
28-30 May: Activities with friends.
31 May: Dublin to Edinburgh.
01 June: Edinburgh to London.
01-03 June: Activities in London.
04 June: London to Paris via Eurostar.
05 June: Parc Astérix.
06 June: Paris main (Tourist-like activities).
07 June: Activities, evening travel to Berlin.
08 June: Volkswagen Museum in Wolfsburg, travel back to Berlin.
09 June: Berlin to Kandern via Basel, day activities in Kandern.
10 June: Graduation in Kandern.
11June: Kandern to Lille, with stops in Basel and Paris.
12 June: Activities in Lille.
13 June: Paris to Chicago, Chicago to Las Vegas.

Quite hectic, but I am excited.